LEO
Leo loves being the center of attention, even if it involves drawing pity from any and everyone around them. No one tells them how beautiful, smart, funny, or desirable they are as often as when they’ve just been broken up with, and you can’t even imagine how fast suitors start lining up as soon as the word gets out. There’s practically a phone tree or national alert service to announce to the world when a Leo is back on the market. It’s like when ramps are in season or a concert tour is announced, the people who care go almost rabid at the prospect of getting their hands on the coveted target. Leo loves playing the role of the lovelorn protagonist who must be won over by the person willing to heal their heart.
SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius is a drama king or queen when it comes to heartbreak. They will cast themselves as the inconsolable Byronic Scrooge who will spend the rest of their lives pining over lost love. That is until they meet an attractive and single European on their next vacation, but not before they’ve waxed poetic for an appropriate amount of time, a few weeks, or however long it takes to fill up an entire journal full of memories, questions, poems, and venting over the hopes they must learn to leave behind. The writer in Sagittarius wants that first hand experience of every aspect of their own humanity, and heartbreak is a pretty universal milestone. There is something sickly pleasurable to them in a sad love song, that they can only truly connect with when they’re in this headspace.
AQUARIUS
Aquarius is so in touch with their feelings, they’ve somehow figured out a way to make getting over a breakup enjoyable. They know life takes us through a rollercoaster of emotions, and there is an a season for all of our ups and downs. When the time comes to grieve the end of a relationship, they know where to find their oldest pair of grey sweatpants, their favorite pint of ice cream, and the exact 90s romcom best positioned to give them the cathartic release they are looking for. There’s nothing like crying your eyes out to a young Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts to really take the edge off the sting of disappointment. It’s this ability to feel every part of life so deeply that gives them renewed hope that an even better relationship is around the corner.
PISCES
Pisces needs material for the soap opera they are constantly writing inside their own heads. There’s nothing like a heartbreak to really shake things up with their cast of characters. They will script endless hypothetical conversations between themselves and their newly dubbed ex, ranging from screaming matches to heartfelt reconciliation. They’ll imagine everything from revenge, to marriage, to a criminal trial punishing this person for mishandling their heart so carelessly. Pisces prefers to languish in this fantasy world for as long as possible before crashing back to reality to deal with the aftermath of an ended relationship. They’ll reengage with their favorite romance novels and favorite emo playlists before attempting to climb back on that proverbial dating horse.
